I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize