I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize