talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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