Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
