Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
