thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
