maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
