dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
