ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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