she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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