You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
