You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
