I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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