I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
