apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How's work?
Spinning.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
