she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
only if we run a train.
done.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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