I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
