Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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