is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
