just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It's just like the Real World with babies
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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