Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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