Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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