I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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