how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
