It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
