She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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