Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
