Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
