wanna go halves on a baby?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
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