This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
