i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
