Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
