and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
