woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
