totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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