So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
