Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
