erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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