Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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