This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
