We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
