My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
