i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
