Tell her she can't have a vagina
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
