He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
