how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
