so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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