good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
