I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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