Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
