It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
