Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
