The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
