I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
