The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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