it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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