That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
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