I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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