I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
