My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
