here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
