need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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