I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize