don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
