im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I could fuck to npr.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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