i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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