just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
