Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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