i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
